Hatred

[SippinTea]

So I mentioned in the sharing thread that I have an issue that I really need help with. Either I've forgotten the answers, or I'm way too close to this issue to see straight. (That's the more likely possibility.)

I wasn't made to hate. I'm fairly easy going and I like most people, and most people seen to like me, too. But there are exactly two people on this planet that I seriously do hate. And the worst of those two... I seriously think if I wasn't a Christian I would want to kill her. And yes, I realize I have a problem. I realize Christians are never supposed to hate. But I've never dealt with hatred and anger like this, and I'm not even sure how to deal with this. It's affecting my own spiritual life, and my relationships, and... I don't like it!! I WANT to let it go, I'm TRYING to give it to God. But I don't know how to. Generally speaking if someone is offensive or hurtful to ME, I can let it go (even if it takes some time). But the particular person I'm referring to now has done so much damage to people I love dearly (the kind of damage that will NEVER leave them, and they'll have to deal with consequences from the pain and harm she inflicted the rest of their lives) and to be honest, I want her dead. And I realize full well how absolutely horrible that is. In my better moments I can admit that she had a horrible life herself, that she really had no way of knowing HOW to be a decent human being, and that "hurt people hurt people", and that she desperately needs Jesus, and I don't want her to go to hell. But that's only in my better moments. The rest of the time... well, I'm a really ugly person inside.

I need help. I need to give it God - I know that. But I don't know HOW!

If you've dealt with something similar, please give me advice, quote Scriptures that helped you, or tell me what else helped YOU deal with it. If you have NOT dealt with something like this, please don't give me pat answers and quote Scripture at me. I don't need that right now. I need to hear from someone who has "been in the trenches".

Signed,
Me, who is ashamed of herself

[Scott]

Hate is a pretty strong word and that emotion is not healthy.

Let me give you a simple assignment that should get rid of this issue

For the next seven days pray for one of them at least three times per day; then take one day and fast on her behalf. Pray for his/her salvation, his/her friendship, his/her to be blessed, health, emotions, spiritual and financial - also ask God to forgive you for that hate and then you need to forgive them for whatever it is that they did.  Then take the next one and repeat that process for the following 7 days.

[Melody]

I'm headed to the library to continue posting, Ruby. I don't think you really hate her.  I believe you are r rightly angry & upset because you cannot fix it, or even come to peace with it yet.  How many people are forgiving while they are being hit?  The choice is after.  Sometimes you have to have a moment to actually choose.  It's hard to think during abuse. 

[mini]

Hate is a pretty strong word and that emotion is not healthy.

Let me give you a simple assignment that should get rid of this issue

For the next seven days pray for one of them at least three times per day; then take one day and fast on her behalf. Pray for his/her salvation, his/her friendship, his/her to be blessed, health, emotions, spiritual and financial - also ask God to forgive you for that hate and then you need to forgive them for whatever it is that they did.  Then take the next one and repeat that process for the following 7 days.

What Scott said.

Also, are you dealing with this person personally (church, local area), or through others (dealing with the hurt they inflicted or inflict on someone you thats close)?  The reason I ask, if its the latter, you have to be careful not to view the situation only through hearsay, no matter how close the people they hurt are to you.

[Melody]

I don't if what any of us have went through is enough.  Your strength will come from Jesus.


This isn't a private board so I don't want to devulge into many details, and this thread is not about me.  But I will tell you that 2 years ago, my niece, who was 6 at the time, shared to her mom, not understanding what she was even really saying, that my mom, her grandma, had molested her.  From there it only became more complicated and stressful that I have ceased contact with her. My own mom.  It wasn't me she hurt, but by default it involved my heart.   Who ever is unchanged by such a thing?  My neice has undergone therapy, they aren't in church.  And can you blame them?  My parents still are "pastoring" an "apostolic" church.  Legal council has been involved, suing and much worse has been on the table.  For awhile I thought it would never end with all the drama that surrounded it, plus my mom is probably actually bipolar amongst other things.

I had to keep repenting.  I had to keep refraining from ranting.  I had to not discuss it with Nathan or my sisters in earshot of my children.  THAT is a hard one.  It drug on for awhile and only has quieted down recently.  We had to go to Tulsa last year when my aunt was in the hospital.  My mom was there and basically cornered Hannah and started telling her things, I about lost it Ruby.  It's unacceptable period, but somehow abhoring when someone stoops so low to involve kids.  Now my kids ARE privy to what happened.  I am still at a loss when dealing with their questions.

Scott's advice is good.  You can't hold such contention with someone while pleading with their salvation. You have to have faith when you pray, you have to believe for their good, which for me takes visualizing a healed individual.  I have to remember, but for the Grace of God.  Yeah, I can say I would never be so horrible, but what is that?  I am whatever good is in me or my life but by His mercy.  I have to remember I deserved to die, but Jesus did it.  I deserved to be beat, but Jesus got it.  I hope it doesn't sound cliché.  I really had to apply it to my daily thoughts.  I had to get humble. 

The part and I don't know if you can identify or not.  But the part that upset me the most was that while I knew Jesus healed, I knew He is the judge and avenger, that it wasn't happening NOW.  My prayers weren't changing the situation at hand.  This went on when I WAS praying.  It seemed unjust, it seemed unfair, it revealed my doubt in Christ's all reigning consuming power and righteousness.  Cause if I really believed, I would pray and not worry, I would thank him and not complain in my spirit.  I would be patient, knowing He will take care of it.  I think I really didn't feel like I knew He would. 

Great peace have they which love thy law and nothing shall offend them.
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

We cannot choose even our children's testimonies.  But we can be a part of them.  What is a wound that God will heal? 

There are other things in my life that I won't share on a public area.  But the hardest is not financial issues, it's not even sickness, it's our own life struggle to submit to be like Christ.  I even tried to validate myself at one point by saying Jesus got angry, Jesus rebuked the pharasees, Jesus whipped people and threw tables over.  Can't I be like THAT Jesus?  And it came to me that I was not Jesus, I had not lived perfectly upright, I had not healed people, I had not ever even remotely come close to being like Jesus in any other way. 

I know my mom's history.  It doesn't really make it easier to forgive her because I didn't live her life.  I can only see her life through mine.  I thought about what it would do to my family's faith for my mom to go to hell.  I really did.  I think it would do nothing.  It would not validate them.  If they fall to what they feel is the depths of sin, God forbid; would it encourage them or sink them into it's likeness?  But what would it do if God truly healed and did a mighty work?  What testimony would that be?  Which one would draw my neice or sister to God?  How will they know forgiveness if I don't speak and walk it?  Where will they recieve relief from it if not from me when they don't have enough relationship with Jesus to sustain it themselves?  I'm sure you don't speak negatively, but it's still in our spirit, and children are the most sensitive.

I don't know how much that is worth.  But it costed me a lot.

*bear hugs*

[taco_harvell]

I dealt with hatred for my late wife's biological father. You see she never met her biological father a single time. He lived in the same neighborhood as her and her mother only a few blocks away until the day he died. Renee' already dealt with a feelings of being unwanted and unloved, so when she finally tried to find her real dad only to find out he lived in the same neighborhood until his death and never even made an effort to see his child, it just made it worse. His mother telling her that "he loved his daddy so much that when he died he basically gave up".  This man who had never made an effort to be a daddy to the child he fathered yet impacted so greatly by the loss of his father? It made no sense to me or Renee' and only made things worse for a very long time.

She dealt with so many issues around her father. She was unable for many years to even go to church on Fathers day because it hurt her so bad. The few times she did go she would leave the service in tears unable to come back in. I could go much deeper on the issues involving this man but I wont. I found I hated this man so much that at one time I thought about finding his grave just so I could go spit on it and tell him exactly what I thought of him.

It took me a longtime to realize my hatred for a dead man was useless and it was actually hindering me from helping Renee' get past the issues she had with him. It also only fed the anger and hatred she was dealing with already. So one night I just gave it all to God and repented for my hatred and my anger toward this man I had never even met. I gave the whole situation to GOD and asked for healing not just for me but for Renee'.  It was freeing for me and Renee' because in some weird way her seeing how much hatred I had been dealing with made her realize she was loved and wanted. It also began the slow process of her letting go of a lot of the emotions this man caused her.

You see I had all the right in the world to be angry with this man, but I held on to that anger and didn't give it God. That's when it became hate.

Ephesians 4:26-27  Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil

By holding on to the anger I had at this man and not letting God have it I gave the devil opportunity in my life. I had thoughts that were not Godly, I had intentions that were not holy all relating to this anger I wouldn't let go of. It set up a place in my heart that was very dark and ungodly. It was only when I let God have it that I not only found it brought me healing, but it brought healing to the one this man hurt way more than me. If we harbor hate especially over someone who has hurt others we may be not only building that dark place in our heart but contributing to it in someone else's as well. 

When someone hurts the people we love we can either focus our time and energy into a hatred toward that person and there actions, or focus on helping the one who was truly hurt to heal. I messed up and for a couple of years focused more on the hate. It was only when I turned the hate over to God that I truly saw healing begin for the person who was hurt by this person. My hate had been feeding her hate, and was leading us both to a dark place.

The best thing you can do is let go and be a healing force into the lives of these people dealing with the hurt. Focus not on the one who did them wrong, but instead be sure and let them know they are loved and that the actions of one person doesn't have to affect them forever. Pray for those who did them wrong. Give them to God on a daily basis. If God can reconcile us to him someday he may be able to reconcile these people together as well. Show these people the same mercy God has already shown you.

Luke 4:27"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunicb either. 30Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. 31And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

32"If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. 35But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

[SippinTea]

*deep breath* See there? I knew GPers would do it again. Thanks for reminding me.

I DO pray for this person. I pray for their salvation. I pray that they would REALLY give themselves to God, so that they would stop causing so much chaos in their own life and in the lives of people they are in contact with - because it's an ongoing issue. I pray that God would do whatever it takes to save them - which from what I can see would take something drastic, because until you actually SEE your need of God and His help, you're un-helpable. I don't like to see anyone hurting or wounded or fearful or abused. And this person is ALL of those things. In that sense, I can have compassion on them. And I can pray for them. But when I see them continuing vicious circles, being cruel, being manipulative with children - even abusing them, being immoral and promoting immorality among their family in completely disgusting ways... and apparently having no remorse - even though this person KNOWS right from wrong, and once knew God (at least to some degree).... well, I guess I flip out. (Internally, that is. I don't show it to people I'm around. And the only people I have talked to this directly about this person are my husband, my mom, and a couple of my very closest friends, because I knew they would pray for me about it and keep it to themselves. I'm not out spreading garbage about this person.)

Melodya and Jason - your posts helped the most, because you showed you knew where I was coming from. Especially where it relates to the life-long damage caused to people we love. I would do ANYthing to protect the people I love from further hurt from this person, but my hands are tied. Maybe that's where the hatred really comes from. If I didn't feel so helpless, and could DO something to stop the cycle, maybe I wouldn't feel such intense anger and hatred toward this person.

I've had times in the past when I felt unforgiving toward someone, and had to repeatedly give it to God and move on. But I've never had to deal with something this huge. But maybe the principle is basically the same - just a longer time period of dealing with it. I guess every time this comes up - again and again! - I need to just continue doing what I'm doing (praying for them, and asking God to take this away from me) - and keep doing that - again and again!

*sigh* Can I just be over this alright already?

Growth is a painful process....

[taco_harvell]

"Hate is like giving someone you don't like keys to your house allowing them access to your most private areas."

I don't remember where I saw this and I looked for it again and couldn't find it. This is a very true statement from experience hate caused me to think about someone I didn't like at the worst times and in moments where my attention should have been somewhere else. When that hate is in your heart and allowed to stay there then it is taking up valuable space where love should be.

It is not an easy process or a short process. Honestly I still deal with moments where I think about things and get extremely angry with this man. However, I have learned to let go of it and not let it turn into a grudge and bring back the hate i once felt. I am praying for you. I have been there and it can be done with God's help.

[MelodyB]

*listening*

[SippinTea]

"Hate is like giving someone you don't like keys to your house allowing them access to your most private areas."

I don't remember where I saw this and I looked for it again and couldn't find it. This is a very true statement from experience hate caused me to think about someone I didn't like at the worst times and in moments where my attention should have been somewhere else. When that hate is in your heart and allowed to stay there then it is taking up valuable space where love should be.

SO true! And I know that, it's just... the HOW to change it that is frustrating me. But maybe I'm looking for instant results. And I suppose that's totally unrealistic with issues this big, as you indicated.

[RainbowJingles]

I have stuff in my mind, but it may be a little while before I can figure out how to say it right.  In the meantime... HUGS

[Lynx]

The part and I don't know if you can identify or not.  But the part that upset me the most was that while I knew Jesus healed, I knew He is the judge and avenger, that it wasn't happening NOW.  My prayers weren't changing the situation at hand.  This went on when I WAS praying.  It seemed unjust, it seemed unfair, it revealed my doubt in Christ's all reigning consuming power and righteousness.  Cause if I really believed, I would pray and not worry, I would thank him and not complain in my spirit.  I would be patient, knowing He will take care of it.  I think I really didn't feel like I knew He would. 

Aye.  Fear and helplessness can manifest in odd ways.  When something is hurting you or someone you love, but you can't do anything about it, it can turn to anger in a white-hot flash.  As somebody already said, just don't let the anger turn into hatred. 

Faith in God helps, but in such situations it sure is hard.  Being analytical helps too, stepping back and analyzing the situation coldly, dispassionately, evaluating damage and listing what you can do to mitigate and repair.  Both help, but they're both hard to do under the circumstances.  I don't know which is harder.   

[Scott]

I DO pray for this person. I pray for their salvation. I pray that they would REALLY give themselves to God, so that they would stop causing so much chaos in their own life and in the lives of people they are in contact with - because it's an ongoing issue.

I am not saying that you are NOT praying for them,

Romans 12:20

Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

Matt 5:44

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;


My point is that if have have a spirit / attitude / emotion of hate against someone, you need to be proactive in changing it.

What I am suggesting is not just a daily prayer for that person, it is a committed season of prayer and fasting for that person. When you take that commitment to pray for that person, you will lose your feeling of hatred.

You need to remember that this is spiritual WARFARE and these types of battles are won by fighting - not in the physical, but in the spiritual.

When you pray, you need to ask God for forgive YOU of that spirit / attitude / emotion of hate towards that person and ask God to soften YOUR heart towards them - ask him to help you to forgive them.  Then spend time in Focused prayer for them.

When praying for a difficult person, a person we do not like, we have problems with or hold negative emotions toward we must pray specifically first.

1.) Repent of our Attitude towards them
2.) Ask God to keep us from bitterness and to NOT allow Bitterness to creep in.
3.) Ask God to bless your (herein "Enemy") - physically, mentally, spiritually and financially
4.) Ask God to continue to bless your "Enemy" and to keep your "Enemy" safe and keep his hand of protection up on him/her
5.) Pray specifically for the problems that you see in your "Enemy"
6.) Bind the spirits working in their life
7.) Ask God for a word of knowledge and / or a word of wisdom about their situation.
8.) (this is a hard one)  Repent for them. Literally pray a prayer of repentance on their behalf
9.) Pray that your "Enemy" will feel their need to come to God
10.) Pray that God will put someone in the path of your "Enemy" to witness to them

Focus your prayers less on yourself and your feelings and more on him/her!  To often we pray with our emotion. After praying Step 1 and Step 1 - the rest of your prayer time should be focused on him/her.

How long you pray for them on a daily basis is up to you, perhaps you break it in to thee 10 minute sessions?  Morning, Noon and Night.  Cover them in prayer - more that you have already. After the first two steps,  leave your emotions/attitudes out of the prayer.

After this... STOP thinking about the negative..

And I can pray for them. But when I see them continuing vicious circles, being cruel, being manipulative with children - even abusing them, being immoral and promoting immorality among their family in completely disgusting ways... and apparently having no remorse - even though this person KNOWS right from wrong, and once knew God (at least to some degree).... well, I guess I flip out.

Let it go. 

Look - I have a relative who literally remembers every slight and negative thing everyone has done to her, no only that, but she even remembers things wrong so that she can blame someone. This person has blamed me for things that I wasn't even in town for. Her uncle opened a door and didn't see her there - her arm got caught in the door window and she was cut really bad. To this day, she claims that I did it.  I was at the horse barn when it happened.  She holds it against me to this day and age. I didn't do it, but she has allowed anger to become hate and hate to become bitterness and bitterness to become imagination.   This is a person who would dance in the isles at church forever. Now, she is a bitter, pot smoking, boozing person who is angry at the world.   

She didn't start out that way. She just couldn't let it go and kept thinking about things.

The bible tells us to gird the loins of our minds, that means we need to control that part of our minds that reproduce thought.  We need to cast down imaginations and bring our thoughts into captivity.

In other words, Paul and Peter both tell us to "Let it go"!

When you start to think about them - STOP and think on something else. Some thing good, kind, and wonderful. Force yourself to only think about them during your prayer sessions.

This is hard to do and it takes 21 days to establish a new habit!

[Scott]

It is hard to forgive people for what they've done and said to us.

On my Facebook page as friends...

I have a lady who when we were teenagers used to tease me and make fun of me. Her favorite thing was to pretend to like a boy, play up to them and then in front of everyone "slam them and embarrass them"

There is an older lady who use to treat me mean, she was rude and frankly not a nice person.

I also have 5 or 6 people on my friends list who use to spread gossip about me - lie or truth.

I have the guy who married (and later divorced) my ex fiance' on my friends list.

I could name several more, but I wont' bother. The point is that I no longer hold any animosity against them, I can actually hold conversations with them and exchange emails with no negative emotion. 

Why? 

I had to let it go and stop thinking about it.

(Story time)

There was a pastor whom I shall call "Frank". "Frank" asked his district to send someone to take one of the four churches he was trying to pastor at once. The district sent me and that church basically combined with another.  "Frank" was keeping the tithing and funds from all four churches, including the one I was supposed to pastor.  He refused to give the church up, he refused to let the church pay me and I nearly lost everything.  He refused to let me preach, he refused to let me teach bible studies, he refused to let me do anything but lead song service and babysit his 4 year old son.

The district was wroth, the tried to talk to him. "Frank" was adamant that he would comply with their wishes. Then one day he called a special service and formally excommunicated me from the church. Every member of the church was forbidden to even talk to me if they saw me on the street. I was forced to drive 2 hours one way to go to another church.

The district was hot, but the man had started 2 of those 4 churches and they could not kick him out. As the moving truck was leaving to take us out of that church/city - a delegation from the church came to me. Yes this church was started by him, but a retired pastor who was connected to that church owned a church building 20 miles away. If I was interested, I could go there and they'd bring all their people to that building and leave "Frank" high and dry.

I told him that I couldn't build a church by splitting a church.  So I left.  I was angry and unhappy.

1 year later I met "Frank" in another state and his health / attitude / emotions / mental states were terrible.  I called someone on his district board and they made contact with him. He was breaking down. They gave him help.

During the time I was away from him, I had to think of other things, I forced my self to not dwell on it.

To this day, there are times in which I have to pray for my attitude toward someone, to pray that I don't get bitter and then think on something else.

It is not easy, but 95% of the problem is US - the person we look at in the mirror.

[Melody]

As hard as it is, when you're in the thick of it, & when you aren't praying about it that moment, almost treat it abstractly.  You know what's right, so just do it, even when you aren't feeling it in your emotions. 

My pastor once told me that for intercessors the hardest thing to do is leave it at the alter.  But you have to or it will weigh you down. His burdens are light in part because He is responsible for them, not us.  So we can emotionally walk away sometimes, knowing He is still paying attention to it.

Let Jesus carry it for awhile.  I'm praying for you.

Side note.  Those fresh moves of God are a new level, swim in it.God had already provided spiritual sustanance for this trial.

& it would be completely in order to dance in the devils face.

[mini]

Here's a link to a message you need to listen too. Bro. Stoneking preaches one of the most powerful messages I have ever heard about forgiveness.

Listen:
http://visionbuilder.dreamhosters.com/sermons/index2.php?speaker_id=38&list=mgs&msg_series=&expand=expand&&afile=yes&filename=Lee%20Stoneking%20-%20The%20Freedom%20of%20Forgiveness%208-6-98.mp3

Download:
http://visionbuilder.dreamhosters.com/sermons/download.php?f=Lee%20Stoneking%20-%20The%20Freedom%20of%20Forgiveness%208-6-98.mp3

Praying for you Sipper...

[SippinTea]

Wow. So much good stuff to think about and act on. Thanks for the responses, everyone.

And to everyone who sent me private messages with things too personal to share on a public forum... thank you for your help and advice and encouragement, too.

I love the way God speaks truth into our lives through His people.

[Raven180]

What I've learned about hate:

1.) Hatred, while appearing to be the all-consuming issue, really isn't the issue. The issue is love.

2.) When seeking to be delivered/relieved by God from hatred, one should seek less to be saved from their hate, and rather, should seek to be rescued by God into His love.

3.) Hatred is typically, instead of merely being formed in a vacuum of lovelessness (or a lack of love), is actually a product of fear.

A thorough study of 1 John 4:7-21 bears this out.

7. Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
8. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
9. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
10. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
12. No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.
13. Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.
14. And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world.
15. Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God.
16. And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
17. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
18. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
19. We love him, because he first loved us.
20. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
21. And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.

Aside from being a great treatise on agape level love, it actually helps us see our hatred in a new light. First, we realize from v. 18 that perfected love, or love brought to maturity and made complete, casts out fear. Without this perfecting process, fear will remain, and thus will torment or torture the believer. Immediately after this profound point and a reminder of God loving us first, John goes directly into a hard saying about love versus hate. While the King James is a good version, there is much behind it that the Greek has to say, especially in verse 20.

Here would be a good translation: Suppose someone says, "I love God," but continues to hate his brother/fellow man? He is liar, because he that continues to not love the brother/fellow man whom he has seen cannot possibly love the God whom he has not seen.

So, again, what is the real issue? It's not hating one's brother. The real issue is not loving God. Am I telling anyone here or anywhere else that they don't love God? No. But perhaps their love for God is not true agape level love, or perhaps if it is, it has not yet been perfected. Such a trial, where God confronts someone about hating their brother/fellow man is likely the very thing God will use to perfect that which is lacking.

But why would God do such a thing? 1 John 3:14 has the answer.

14. ...He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.

God wills such a trial into existence because He is trying to get the person to stop abiding in death. Such a trial may in fact be a saving act of God's grace, which, should the trial not come, the offending party who is not loving God properly and is choosing to hate their brother/fellow man may be lost to eternity.

This is what Jesus said of such things: "So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses" (Matthew 18:35). This is the conclusion the Lord makes after teaching a parable about love, forgiveness, anger, etc. It's the parable of the unjust steward. The question is, what is the "likewise" that the Father will do to a person who does not forgive? Verse 34, which is the end of the parable, teaches that the Lord delivered the un-forgiving steward over to be tortured. That is the end result. Fear produces unbelief/doubt, which causes resentment and frustration. This turns to anger/wrath toward the object of the resentment, which turns to unforgiveness, which leads to an un-perfected love, i.e. torment ending in spiritual death.

To the original poster, I can prove this with your own statements. You said,

But the particular person I'm referring to now has done so much damage to people I love dearly (the kind of damage that will NEVER leave them, and they'll have to deal with consequences from the pain and harm she inflicted the rest of their lives)

This is a statement of fear. It fears that the hurt and heartache is so terrible, so vastly un-fixable that not even God can undo the damage. That is simply not true. All things are possible with God! God sent His Son into the world to be the propitation for our sins. Through His atoning death, God is able to reconcile all people back to Himself. In the process, the purpose of the Messiah is fulfilled:

18. The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,
19. To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.

This is found in Luke 4, and is a prophetic fulfillment of Isaiah 61:1-2. But look at the rest of what Isaiah 61 promises:

3. To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
4. And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.

Through the Messiah, God can and will restore every damaged, desolate, abandoned, and injured part of a person's life, if they want it.

But, it's hard to believe that God can and will do such for a person we love who has been hurt. Instead we want God to smash and vindicate our anger through His righteous indignation. But God has been reconciled to the world through the death of His Son. The blood of Jesus Christ has propitiated the Father, meaning God is now in a favorable position to forgive. His wrath against sinners is placated. Now, in Christ, there is grace and truth for even the worst sinner to be saved. But, by your words, it is indicated that you don't believe God can do this. You believe God will let your loved ones languish in a pit of damaged despair and spiritual wounding. So, until you can trust God and not fear that the damage done to them is un-healable, you can't be delivered/relieved of your hatred. The root is there, in the unbelief. The hatred is merely the symptom.

I hope that I have helped. Peace and God bless. I'm praying for you.

Aaron

[Lynx]

 

I would strongly disagree with some of your conclusions Raven, but then this is not a debate thread.

[taco_harvell]

I would strongly disagree with some of your conclusions Raven, but then this is not a debate thread.

Same here!!

[onli-one-jehovi]

I don't disagree with any of it. I think it's a magnificently wisely worded solution to the problem presented.

I especially like this:  "But God has been reconciled to the world through the death of His Son. The blood of Jesus Christ has propitiated the Father, meaning God is now in a favorable position to forgive. His wrath against sinners is placated."

"So, until you can trust God and not fear that the damage done to them is un-healable, you can't be delivered/relieved of your hatred. The root is there, in the unbelief. The hatred is merely the symptom."

The conclusion follows exactly what Jesus continually zeros in on: the root.

Wonderful Aaron. Simply wonderful.