Ask Mr Minnesota

[myhaloisintheshop]

what has been the most embarrassing moment in your life?

Something that will never be discussed on here.

Ok then.   Tell me on facebook! 

[RainbowJingles]

The next one?  Of MY life?  Or anyone's life?

[mini]

What is the most difficult phase of life?  Why?

If yer doing it right, its the next one. 

The next one?  Of MY life?  Or anyone's life?

All kidding aside, I think of life as a uphill battle.  If we constantly fight the same thing, we are not making progress.  Instead, if we grow, each battle will help us grow a little, and we can look back and see how much we have grown since the last battle.  Thats why "the next one" should be a bigger (yet better) battle.

As a single person, you probably faced battles that you will no longer have to face as a married individual.  But as a married person, you will face battles single folks never faced.

Each one is only as difficult as you let your attitude make it.

-mini

[mini]

what has been the most embarrassing moment in your life?

Something that will never be discussed on here.

Ok then.   Tell me on facebook! 

NO!

[mini]

Read this today:

If I had to give someone advice on how to keep a marriage in good shape, here's what it would be.

Every day, do two things. One, tell your spouse that you love them and tell them something specific about them that you love. Two, spend half an hour doing something that helps them in some way and expect no compliments or comment from it – do it just because you care about that person. This works better if you focus on something that you know will really matter to your partner. For instance, if your partner loathes doing the dishes, just do them without comment once or twice a week.

Pretty good stuff...

[mini]

It has been a nearly 3 years since I typed this out.  Its been on my mind, and I think it warrants a revisit.  I will add a few things to this, but the principle behind it still remains true.

(Original Post: http://mission238.com/forum/index.php?topic=27997.msg866047#msg866047)

Yes.
Do you recommend straight white light strings, or icicle lights?
Dresses with a sash, or without?
Chocolate or white cake? or no cake at all?
*laugh*

The simpler, the better.
Hopefully, you were asking about a wedding...at least that's the way I read it...if not, disregard this rant. 
I wonder who's wedding sipper is working on... <And now we know...congrats again Mrs. Sipper.  Love you guys much!

(this next rant is not pointed at sipper in any way)

Why waste (yes im calling it a waste) $5,000 on junk to make a wedding all fancy, and not spend $.02 on making a marriage last?  Get the important stuff FIRST.  Then have a big celebration at 50 years.

Talk about the stuff that derails a marriage first.

Standards.  Unless (God forbid) you are brother and sister and believe that every family tree should have no branches, you need to talk about standards.  Why do you believe that, why does he believe that?  Talk, talk, and TALK about standards.  Your church is different.  His church is different.  Your pastor is different.  His pastor is different.  He may think PG rated movies are ok.  You may think any moving picture will send you to hell.  Shes dreamed of a ring since she was old enough to make Ken and Barbie marry.  He has been taught that rings are of the devil, and you will go to hell if you wear one.  Will there be a problem if you don't talk about them?  Ohhhh yeahh....

Money.  Will you work?  Will he work?  Will you live off welfare?  Will both of you work?  Sounds stupid, but you have to talk about money.  It causes more divorces than you would think.  Work on this more than what you think is necessary.  Do you know how to balance a checkbook?  Take a accounting class together.  Realize how to make a budget.  Read Dave Ramsey.  Realize how stupid credit cards are, and how important cash is.

Relations. Nuff said.... No, not "nuff said."  Man, you need to be a man.  Woman, be a woman.  When you get married, you have no right to think about the old boyfriend/girlfriend you had.  If you come from a previous relationship where you now have the addition of a ex, FORGIVE THEM.  Yes, forgive them.  You take that old baggage into a new marriage, it will pollute everything you touch.     Including the brand spanking new spouse.  If you don't forgive them, will destroy yourselves.  Men:  Make a covenant with your eyes.  Women:  Make a covenant with your heart.  Don't open your selves up to a thought that will lead to thousands of other things that will destroy you. 

Read "every man's battle"

Listen to this:

http://visionbuilder.dreamhosters.com/sermons/index2.php?speaker_id=38&list=mgs&msg_series=&expand=expand&&afile=yes&filename=Lee%20Stoneking%20-%20The%20Freedom%20of%20Forgiveness%208-6-98.mp3

Read this:  http://mission238.com/forum/index.php?topic=27997.msg866089#msg866089

Kids.  You want a dozen.  He is deathly afraid of kids.  You expect him to change diapers.  He won't even shop for your "personal" effects.  How do you expect him to change a diaper? And when you have kids, don't put your spouse down.  The whole "Do unto others" thing works here too.  If the kid needs fed, do it.  Don't gripe at them cause you are to lazy to get off your tail to fix the baby a bottle.  The diapers thing I still stay true too...if you want to see me sick, make me change a diaper.   The point is to be a help, not put off on the other what you are to lazy to do.

Talk to them about discipline.  You believe in spanking.  They believe in time outs. 

Something God dealt with me about:  The bible does not say "Spare the rod, spoil the child." THIS is where that comes from.  No sir...http://bible.cc/proverbs/13-24.htm.  It says "He that spareth his rod hateth his son..." The word rod is the same word used when Esther approached the throne.  Scepter = Rod.  That showed mercy.  And not only that, but rod is a measurement.  Give them rules, and tell them they have to live by this.  Yes, discipline comes in.  BUT BE STEADY.  To say it this way, when you say yes, mean yes.  When you say no, mean no.  If you tell the child no, and they throw a fit, if you have to bust their bottom, fine.  But don't give in to their cries to pacify them.  What you say, mean.  Be steady as a parent, lest you destroy their life.  If you are not steady, you will show them they are not responsible for their actions, they can get by with whatever they do.  Don't just say idle words to your child.  Let your words MEAN something. 

And if you have to discipline them  "...but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." respect them.  Don't belittle them.  It all plays into mercy and grace.  Hey, one day you will be a old geezer (or geezerette) and you will need help.  Teach them now how to treat you later.

Church.  You think that its ok to be there when church starts.  He wants to be there at least a hour before church starts.  Problem?  You betcha. Man, make it a priority to LEAD. YOUR. FAMILY.  Yes, you.  Lead them.  Pray.  Fast.  Study.  I don't care if you have a pulpit ministry or if they barely let you in the chuch door.  Live for GOD.  You need to do this every day.

There are a million other things.  Toothpaste.  What kind of Mayo?  Laundry detergent.  There is nothing to small not to fight over.  And the more you talk about things, the easier the transition is.

Why are first anniversaries so important?  If you don't kill each other, its a milestone!   :grin:

Some other advice? 

Write down everything you do together.  10 years from now, you will wonder, what were we doing...and you will have a record. 

Learn to put your spouse before yourself.

Never let the kids be more important than your spouse.  Don't think that's a big deal?  What will you do in 20 years when you find out you spent the last 20 years building a relationship with your kid, and neglected the one with your spouse?  Its called headed for the big D, and I don't mean Dallas.  Always work on your relationship with your spouse first.

RESPECT YOUR SPOUSE!!!!  Never, NEVER, NEVER!!!! Put them down.  Never in front of your kids, never in front of others.  Don't roll your eyes at them, don't mouth them, don't talk bad about them.   If you roll your eyes at them, don't go crying when the devil shows them someone who will treat them right.

KEEP GOD FIRST!

                 GOD
                   ^
                 /    \
               /        \
             /            \
           /                \
      Husband------- Wife

The closer you draw to God...the closer you get to each other.
KEEP GOD FIRST!

So back to sippers question...elope.  If that is not a option, or a simple wedding where you walk to the front and say I do and that's it, please, for God's sake, work on the marriage first, not the wedding.

May edit some more later. -mini

From this post: http://mission238.com/forum/index.php?topic=32892.msg965390#msg965390

From Scott:

As you are embarking on this new phase of life - on Aug 10 which as I said before is the same date my wife and I got married in the last century. Let me share a few things with you that I hope will help.

• You will get out of marriage what you put into it.  Just like the concept of sowing and reaping; if you plant corn, you get corn, if you plant beans, you get beans. You cannot plant watermelon and hope to get tomatoes.


• If you want your wife to love you, love her.


• If you want her to wait on you hand and foot, good luck pal, it ain't gonna happen.


• If you don't know how to cook, learn to cook.  My mom and grandmother insisted that I learn to cook before I moved out of the house. By age 13 I was cooking most of the suppers we ate in our family. I hated it back then, today I am pretty glad they did.
  
  My wife brags at work that her husband knows how to cook. Once on a very cold day -30 or so, she was on the bus talking to her bus pals. One lady said it was so cold and she had to thaw out then cook supper for the family. My wife smiled and said " I have homemade chili waiting for me when I get home, my husband is cooking dinner for me".  Trust me Burrito, woman want men to cook for them. 
  
  I have dinner in the crock pot for tonight's supper, she will brag about to someone.


• You will have arguments/disagreements. Get them over and done with sooner than later. Don't let it build or last long. Remember, that face you yelled at?  You need to be able to kiss it later.   


• No matter what, love each other. If she gains 100 pounds or you gain 100 pounds, love each other. If you go bald, if she grows a mustache, love each other.   


• If there is a conflict in her family, let her deal with it - you avoid the situation. It works in the reverse.   


• She is your #1 priority, you are hers. You stick up for her to your family and she sticks up for you to hers.   


• Work out holidays in advance. 


• My wife talks to her sister, brothers, mom on the phone all the time. Don't hinder your wife from talking to her family. If she is in the other room talking on the phone you have free time to play Madden Football or Medal of Honor!     


• Find time for her, don't neglect personal private times.   


• Date Night is important. If all you can afford is a trip to Wendy's on Friday night - do it.  To this day, we try to go out one night per week by ourselves.  Coupon books with buy one get one's are great.  50% off appetizers at Applebee's - God send. 


• Share a meal with her.  We go to Don Pablo's and order a $13.00 meal and an extra plate. There is something about sharing a meal that women like.   


• When at all possible, let her pick where you are eating out at. 


• Watch a chick flick with her once in a while. She will reward you later. 


• Let her drive the car once in a while, try to avoid passing out or crying out in fear. Those are no - no's!   


• Music - she may be country and you may be rock-n-roll; you will have to man up and go to her concert with her. Do not ask her to go to yours, you can tell her you plan to do, but she doesn't have to come if she doesn't want to. Leave her an out, you don't get that out, you have to Man up.  After 10 to 15 years, you can suggest that she take her sister or cousin.   


• You buy her a good Christmas Gift and don't complain if you don't like yours. MAN UP!   


• You don't lose your man card if you let her make some decisions.   


• Never complain about her friends. If she does, listen or point out their positives.  Also, don't complain about her family; if she does, stick up for them. The moment you talk negative - her defensive shields will pop up.     


• Find out what her favorite perfume is - fail safe Christmas gift.   


• Always make a mistake when buying her a dress, blouse or skirt. If she wears a 12, buy an 8. Never ever buy too large.. ever! No I mean it, never. Always and I mean always buy small.
  
  The only time I buy the correct size is in emergencies.  Example: we were in route to a relatives house once and she snagged her skirt in the van and it ripped bad.  I stopped by a store, ran in and grabbed a new jean skirt for her. I was a hero to her - my mom and sister bragged on me (they were with us). Next time I went shopping, I bought small.
  
  Of course, there was that Awkward "odd, he never buys the right size'' to which I say "I got lucky".   

[sunlight]

:grin: I'm glad you got around to editing it finally... Lol

[RainbowJingles]

"what kind of mayo"??!??!??!?!??!  There's only ONE kind of MAYO!  Anything else (including sorry "light" versions" are rotten imitations.  And it MUST be Kraft or Hellmans.  Not one of those weird mayonnaises with horseradish in it.  *shudder*

What about Proverbs 23?  Does the rod there translate as a sceptre?
13. Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
14. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

[mini]

I think my original thought goes with that.  Yes, sometimes Junior will need punished, and that means a spanking, but you do it out of mercy.  The ESV study bible says this about Proverbs 23:13-14:

This clearly affirms the place of corporal punishment in child rearing. At the same time, the father's overriding desire is to teach the child, rather than to vent his anger. The connection of the two verses shows that he will not die and you will save his soul from Sheol are parallel ideas.

We should show mercy, and punishment should be done OUT of mercy.  I thought I put this somewhere, but you need to raise your child with a destination in mind.  If you hold to firmly, you will lose them.  If you are lax, you will lose them.  Be firm, yet gentle. 

[RainbowJingles]

*nod* makes sense.  Some parents are just set on showing their anger through punishment.  NOT good. 

[mini]

And some parents are set on shutting their kids up for the moment, with no thought of where tomorrow will lead, or what the future will hold. 

They yell at the kid to "shut up," bribe them in the store to do so, and either daddy or momma go out of the picture (divorce) leaving no stability in their life, and they wonder where the kid went wrong.  Parents show no restraint in anything they do, then wonder why the kid struggles.

I could go on.  But we are the change we wish to see...our kids will be like us.  Sis Nancy Granquist said once "Our lowest standard will be our childrens highest."

[RainbowJingles]

Now THAT is a great quote.  I wish parents would REALLY understand that.  Truly comprehend it.  The more they let down around their children, the more their children will feel is "okay."  I've seen it SOOO many times.    One pastor whose grandson is pastoring his church now must feel sickened at the direction the church has taken.
The pattern I've seen:
"Dad, what's WRONG with this?"
"Well, nothing is really WRONG with it..."
"So it's okay." 
"...But, that doesn't mean it's okay!"
"But you said there's nothing wrong with it!" 
"Well, okay.  Just don't tell anyone about it."

[mini]

Anyone have any pressing things they need to ask me?  I feel particularly full of something, but not sure if its wisdom. 

[sunlight]

Yes, but I'd rather ask mine in person... :evilgrin:

[okieoliveoyl]

can you sing?

[mini]

can you sing?

Nothing I can ever make up can ever compare to Roscoes story of unbridled passion for singing.

At least he didn't do what I just did. I'm tooling along torwards home, listening to one of my favorite songs- and you should know that I 1) love music 2) sing quite poorly and 3) sing loudly when I'm alone.
Any way, the song "When God Unfolds The Rose" is playing, and it's a song that makes me squall, and sing along to, although its notes are so far out of the "bad" range for me that they are in the "My God where;s the torture device" range....
Yes. I am bellering it at the top of my lungs. Yes. I had managed to inadverdantly key the mic on my ham radio without knowing it. Yes, I broadcast my shameful performance across the state of Arkansas on its most powerful repeater, which has around 100 miles any direction from Little Rock coverage.
When I noticed it, I unkeyed and heard.." Whoever that was PLLLLEEEAAASE don't quit your day job. That was painful." Oooops.
"When God unfolds the rooooose..."

May this live on in infamy...forever.

[okieoliveoyl]

can you sing?

Nothing I can ever make up can ever compare to Roscoes story of unbridled passion for singing.

At least he didn't do what I just did. I'm tooling along torwards home, listening to one of my favorite songs- and you should know that I 1) love music 2) sing quite poorly and 3) sing loudly when I'm alone.
Any way, the song "When God Unfolds The Rose" is playing, and it's a song that makes me squall, and sing along to, although its notes are so far out of the "bad" range for me that they are in the "My God where;s the torture device" range....
Yes. I am bellering it at the top of my lungs. Yes. I had managed to inadverdantly key the mic on my ham radio without knowing it. Yes, I broadcast my shameful performance across the state of Arkansas on its most powerful repeater, which has around 100 miles any direction from Little Rock coverage.
When I noticed it, I unkeyed and heard.." Whoever that was PLLLLEEEAAASE don't quit your day job. That was painful." Oooops.
"When God unfolds the rooooose..."

May this live on in infamy...forever.

AMEN AND AMEN!

[Roscoe]

  Mini AND Okie. 

[mini]

*waves @ bob*

[Lynx]

Which Bob?  I've lost count how many there are now. 

[sunlight]

* sunlight waves at bob too

How is your Chellebelle?

[mini]

can you sing?

Nothing I can ever make up can ever compare to Roscoes story of unbridled passion for singing.

At least he didn't do what I just did. I'm tooling along torwards home, listening to one of my favorite songs- and you should know that I 1) love music 2) sing quite poorly and 3) sing loudly when I'm alone.
Any way, the song "When God Unfolds The Rose" is playing, and it's a song that makes me squall, and sing along to, although its notes are so far out of the "bad" range for me that they are in the "My God where;s the torture device" range....
Yes. I am bellering it at the top of my lungs. Yes. I had managed to inadverdantly key the mic on my ham radio without knowing it. Yes, I broadcast my shameful performance across the state of Arkansas on its most powerful repeater, which has around 100 miles any direction from Little Rock coverage.
When I noticed it, I unkeyed and heard.." Whoever that was PLLLLEEEAAASE don't quit your day job. That was painful." Oooops.
"When God unfolds the rooooose..."

May this live on in infamy...forever.

Now that I are a ham, this is even funnier.

[Roscoe]

can you sing?

Nothing I can ever make up can ever compare to Roscoes story of unbridled passion for singing.

At least he didn't do what I just did. I'm tooling along torwards home, listening to one of my favorite songs- and you should know that I 1) love music 2) sing quite poorly and 3) sing loudly when I'm alone.
Any way, the song "When God Unfolds The Rose" is playing, and it's a song that makes me squall, and sing along to, although its notes are so far out of the "bad" range for me that they are in the "My God where;s the torture device" range....
Yes. I am bellering it at the top of my lungs. Yes. I had managed to inadverdantly key the mic on my ham radio without knowing it. Yes, I broadcast my shameful performance across the state of Arkansas on its most powerful repeater, which has around 100 miles any direction from Little Rock coverage.
When I noticed it, I unkeyed and heard.." Whoever that was PLLLLEEEAAASE don't quit your day job. That was painful." Oooops.
"When God unfolds the rooooose..."

May this live on in infamy...forever.

Now that I are a ham, this is even funnier.

It'll be even funnier when YOU make a similar oops. And it WILL happen.

[sunlight]

Gets on the radio... Gives roscoes call sign... Sings when God unfolds the rose...

[Roscoe]

Gets on the radio... Gives roscoes call sign... Sings when God unfolds the rose...

Use ya own callsign, KG5KET.